I want to be annihilated completely, I want reciprocal forgetting, I want the angels not to recognize me.

The Shared Hallucination of Perfection

We are ideas to each other
Fragile touches with grazing fingertips
As if the other body is something
Vapor-like and intangible

Reality corrupts the romance
While the idea of us is seductive, untouchable,
It has become my affliction of madness
Symptomized by an obsession of utopia
Born of idealization lacking actualization

This psychosis germinates in the spaces
Between days and time and memories
It is in these moments that you haunt me

I need to find the exact moment
When it became real to me
When, suddenly, our shared hallucination
Began to blend into life

The blissful harmony
Of our controlled, yet undisclosed world:
Deconstructed into a menagerie of personal demons
The transition nearly imperceptible
Until, one day, everything became concrete

I want to chart the change
Thumbtacks pushed into drywall
Impaling red yarn over the wall map
So, maybe, we can begin to backtrack

I find myself waking from the dream
Turning to see your sleeping face
I wonder at pain, love, hurt; wonder if I’m still asleep
My spine tingles nervously
And, no, I’m awake, but…

I’m not alone.


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