I want to be annihilated completely, I want reciprocal forgetting, I want the angels not to recognize me.

I broke my own nose today.

on purpose.

just another new low for my self mutilation impulses…. It’s getting worse and worse. I feel like my chest is collapsing. I refuse to sleep, I refuse to eat. My whole face hurts and my nose is black and blue, cracked and broken from where I smashed it on my knee last night. I feel so hurt and betrayed by him, it didn’t have to be like this – and in front of everyone too.

I want to break every bone in my body, I want to bleed and go numb. There is nothing more calming than the rational, logical process of bandaging up. You temporarily forget what happened, and for a moment – you can take care of yourself.

The only time people will *really* listen – is when you’re bleeding or hurt. It’s so sad.

My crime? unconditional love. My punishment? mutilation and starvation. The result? i still love you.

 

xXx

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