I want to be annihilated completely, I want reciprocal forgetting, I want the angels not to recognize me.

Lights Out

its weird, now. the more I see of this world – the more i despise it. I find no pleasure in ordinary comforts like reading, warm showers, sleeping…. I want adventure – but I want it in a vacuum – totally removed and disconnected from “me.” In essence, I want to be Bruce Wayne, and live a double life. Its totally an unrealistic vision and quite possibly dangerous and threatening even to me in thought. My own personal fleet of thought police exists. Its really sad how readable I am to people who know me. I wonder if this is good or bad. In truth, they don’t catch everything. No one could. I’m pretty random and extremely …. impulsive. GAH

But, right now in this very second. I AM FRUSTRATED. I feel like I’m walking around in a moon suit made of pillows. Everyone thinks I’m so very breakable and “untrustworthy” that I need to carry all their stupid protections and need to follow all the “rules” they set out for me. Like somehow if I don’t the world will end because, inevitably, “every choice I make is a bad one.” Well fuck that. I, if no one else, believe in myself and my ability to be responsible whilst having fun.

People have to learn that I am like a bird. I was meant to soar, not to kept, “safe and sound” in a cage. I WILL NOT BE CAGED, no, I will not be restrained against my will any longer. Does this mean I’m going to jump off a cliff? No. Does this mean I’m going to run away forever? No. Does this mean I’m going to somehow hurt every single person I love? No. Does this mean I will be able to become my own woman? Yes. Does this mean that I will learn to be responsible and rely on myself? Yes. 

Oh yeah guys, Freedom sounds perfectly awful. And maybe it does, if all you want to do is use and stare at the shell of a person I will be if I remain caged in your fingers forever. 

Fuck.

 

Punch your lights out

Hit the pavement

That’s what I call entertainment

Causin’ problems makes you famous

All the violence makes a statement

Punch your lights out

Hit the pavement

That’s what I call entertainment

Causin’ problems makes you famous

ALL-THIS-VIOLENCE-MAKES-A-STATEMENT

-MSI

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